by Gerald Gonzales, Ph.D.
In the tumultuous fall of 2020, I juggled the relentless demands of running a mental health clinic and hectic family life. The toll on my relationships with my wife and three kids was undeniable.
This unpleasant feeling prompted deep reflection on whether the benefits of my work outweighed the cost of my closeness with my family. I realized that something needed to change to rewrite my family story and reclaim the closeness that I lost.
But how?
The Power of Daily Routines
I get it—routines may not sound thrilling, but bear with me. Imagine routines as the unsung heroes creating stability and predictability, reducing anxiety, and promoting well-being.
For my family, my wife and I decided that Family Dinner Night on Mondays would be the best day to reconnect. This dinner became our sanctuary—a routine that allowed us to enjoy one another amidst our hectic schedules.
It's easy to understand why people experience Sunday Scaries—the anxiety and stress that sets in on Sundays due to anticipating the stress related to the upcoming work week. Research by Laffan and colleagues (2023) suggests a link between heart attacks and Monday mornings.
I didn't experience the Sunday Scaries or Blue Monday because I looked forward to our Monday night meals together.
The Meaning Behind Routines
Routines are not just about repetition; they are the threads weaving the fabric of our family bonds. Routines can help deepen relationships through bonding opportunities, improve daily communication, and shape healthy family dynamics.
Creating routines that give you and your family bonding opportunities is crucial. That's why reading a book to my children before bedtime was something that I cherished and still cherish. For me, bedtime stories allowed me to connect emotionally, helped promote calmness in my child (and me), and afforded me teaching opportunities to share valuable social skills in books.
Regular family routines can shape communication dynamics within the family. Open communication fosters understanding and gives space to have more meaningful conversations. Our family dinner nights naturally provide moments to connect and communicate.
Another way I engage in open dialogue with my children is during morning and afternoon drives together. I've been pleasantly surprised by what I've learned about my children by asking open-ended questions, specifically using how and what questions.
Committing to family activities also gives an essential message to the family—that our time together matters. More importantly, family routines and daily activities can communicate love, compassion, and support for one another. These shared moments together are moments that can transcend the daily grind.
The Benefits of Routines
By having more opportunities to connect—physically and emotionally—my family and I have had more moments for deeper conversations and dedicated time to be together. More importantly, I've noticed that our family can resolve conflicts quickly and collaborate better.
In my clinical practice, I've found that poor communication within the family system leads to more conflicts. This problem often can be attributed to a lack of family routines. Not having enough moments to connect regularly robs your family of the opportunities to listen, empathize, and collaborate on a solution actively.
When appropriate, my wife and I try to involve our children in decision-making because we want them to be involved. This gift of involvement gives them the message that they matter and that their ideas count. Not only does this encourage collaboration, but it also promotes creative thinking and autonomy.
Make One Routine Meaningful
You and your family might already have several rituals and daily routines. Rituals can set a positive tone for the day.
I have a morning routine where I drink water first thing in the morning. On the surface, drinking water helps hydrate my body and helps wake me up. Underneath the surface, I'm nourishing my soul and permitting myself to care for my body to be better prepared for the demands.
I encourage you to pick one routine and make it meaningful by doing it mindfully. That is, approach the routine by being fully present, approaching it with a non-judgmental attitude, and having an awareness of its purpose and intention beneath the surface.
In closing, daily family routines can be transformative. Our family story shifted from chaos to connectedness. Remember that small, consistent actions are more powerful than you think; they can significantly improve your family's well-being.
#familyfirst #familybonding #routinesthatmatter #familyconnection #parentingtips #familyroutines #familyconnectedness #familylove #mindfulparenting #familyresilience
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Reference:
Laffan J, Walsh S, Byrne R, et al. (2023). 68 Blue Monday: Association between incidence of STEMI and day of the week. Heart 109, A78-A79.
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