by Gerald Gonzales, Ph.D.

#physicianwellbeing #familystress #heathcarestruggles #physicianburnout #compassionfatigue #mentalhealth #silentstruggle
I remember that morning as if it happened yesterday.
As I entered my office, I had the top floor corner office with the best view of Mission Peak. I knew how to get grounded and focus on my work. Over the years, I’ve learned to compartmentalize work and personal life effectively.
But not on that day.
My mind was consumed with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. One daughter was having problems with her close friends; the other was struggling to manage unpleasant emotions effectively, given the demands of her school work and extracurricular activities. A family member was battling cancer. And I struggled to be consistently present and compassionate at home.
Despite my best efforts to show my staff, direct reports, and patients that I remained confident and competent, the weight of family stress tested my resilience. It impacted my ability to perform at my best. As a clinic director and a child psychologist, I struggled to balance my demanding career with my family responsibilities.
The Problem Behind the Problem: Understanding the Silent Struggle
For many healthcare providers, managing the demands of patient care and the typical stressors of family life can be challenging. This often overlooked and unspoken challenge, which I will call the Silent Struggle, can lead to stress, burnout, and compassion fatigue.
Despite healthcare workers’ expertise in healing others, many continue and keep the struggle internally due to perceived shame and stigma surrounding mental health. I found myself in the middle of my worst nightmare—I had the knowledge and skills to help my patients and my staff, yet I couldn’t help my own family.
There is an old saying, “The shoe cobbler’s children have no shoes.” If I applied that statement directly to myself, it would say, “The psychologist’s children have poor mental health.”
The Ripple Effect on Patient Care
The toll of family stress goes beyond the confines of our home.
Studies have shown that the combination of family stress and work demands impacts healthcare workers’ sleep (Jacobsen et al., 2014), musculoskeletal pain (Kim et al., 2013), healthcare burnout (Yeh et al., 2020), and overall job performance (Yeh et al, 2020).
I imagine healthcare providers who experience compassion fatigue are more susceptible to medical errors, reduced empathy, and poor patient outcomes. Such performance is likely linked to lower effectiveness, limited engagement, and poor job satisfaction.
Breaking the Silence: Solutions and Support
Healthcare providers can attend to the basics: getting enough sleep, eating balanced meals (that means no skipping breakfast), taking enough daily steps (7-10K steps), and exercising regularly (e.g., 2-3x per week).
Besides ensuring those basic needs are met, healthcare workers could also prioritize self-care (remember, self-care doesn’t mean self-ish; e.g., the basic minute, pleasant activity challenge, etc.), set firm boundaries, integrate work-life schedules, and effectively utilize flexible work schedules. If necessary, they can also seek professional assistance (e.g., EAP, coaching, mental health therapy, etc.).
Contrary to the invincibility myth, resilient individuals acknowledge the struggles, seek support, and gravitate to a medical community grounded in compassion and understanding.
In my mind, the antidote that many healthcare workers seek may lie in breaking the silence and asking for help; however, focusing on a specific area that needs their attention might be more beneficial.
But how do we know which area of our family lives we must address first?
To help address this issue, I created the Physician Family Check-up questionnaire. This tool was designed to help physicians assess their family-related concerns and needs. By completing the assessment, physicians can gain valuable insights into the impact of family stress on their medical career and identify areas for growth within the family.
Closing Remarks
The Silent Struggle will persist and remain part of healthcare workers’ lives.
Taking an assessment to raise awareness may be the start of a transformative journey. Having the courage to seek help and being vulnerable amongst trusted colleagues are mission-critical to this quest.
All healthcare providers are heroes and need to be at their best. By supporting one another, let’s create a community grounded in compassion and wellness.
Because healthcare workers, their families, and their patients deserve it.
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